Self-esteem comes from different things at different times in our lives. People often think it comes from internal processes that are controlled by the individual; however, research points to the power of supportive relationships in the development of self-esteem across the lifespan (Cervone & Pervone, 2013). 

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In the beginning years of life, feelings of self-esteem tend to come from parents’ unconditional love and affection; in particular, the degree of acceptance, interest, and play engaged in by parents with their children (Cervone & Pervone, 2013, p. 187). 

As children enter school, self-esteem tends to come from autonomy, competence, and relatedness (Cervone & Pervone, 2013, p. 219); that is, self-esteem hinges largely on childrens' confidence to produce desired social and academic outcomes at school and in the wider culture. A concept central to their autonomy and competence is the construct of self-efficacy, which refers to the beliefs in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to produce given attainments (Bandura, 1997, p. 3). School life is largely about developing ones' self-efficacy so that one feels competent and independent for the responsibilities of adult life. 

 

Self-esteem in adolescence and beyond tends to come from supportive social relations in life roles including those held at home, school, work, and in the greater community. Thus, it is often necessary for people who want to increase their self-esteem to be able to develop, maintain, and sustain supportive and validating relationships in their lives. 

References

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York, NY: Freeman. 
Cervone, D., & Pervin, L. A. (2013). Personality theory and research(12thed.). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.